This may be the strangest thing I've ever shared. To those who know me, it's no surprise that I say and do strange things. But, today, I felt like being a little more peculiar than usual.
So, Saturday night, I had a dream. In the dream, I was jumping from dangerous situation to dangerous situation, over and over again. As if that wasn't enough, it was ME that was placing myself in these dangerous situations. I was being rebellious, taking risks, making dumb decisions...you name it, I was probably doing it. When I finally woke up, I felt exhausted. The dreams that exhaust me are the worst; waking up feeling like I never fell into a deep, much needed sleep aggravates me to no end.
As I rolled out of bed, slipped on some jeans and a t-shirt I found on my bedroom floor, washed my face and halfway brushed my tangled mass of hair, one part in the dream kept playing over and over again inside of my head. I remembered sitting in a house known for being a place to conjure spirits and palm reading.
*****Pause: here's where it gets kinda weird.
As I sat in this house, I was met by a woman dressed in ripped, 70's flare jeans; a fringed graphic t-shirt; and purple dreaded hair. I then proceeded to ask her to tell me what she could about my future. So, like any erratic and unusual hippie lady who tells young girls about their futures do, she pulled out the tarot cards. Weird yet? Absolutely. Even though this was my dream, I knew what I was getting myself into was wrong; so as she proceeded, I remember saying the same 3 phrases over and over again to myself as a protection method. The words I uttered to myself were: "God is bigger than this.", "He will protect me from any evil this may stir up.", and "His grace will cover me even though I'm sinning by being here and doing this.".
Now, people...how strange of a dream is that? I should consider what I eat before I go to bed.
But, even though it was crazy, Jesus chose to speak to me through it. After thinking about how God had become my safeguard in that crazy house, I realized something. I didn't just use Him as protection in my dream, I do that when I'm awake too.
In my daily life, I sin. I have no claims to perfection. A lot of times, I sin without thinking about it because some things I struggle with are so easy to just do without meditating on it beforehand (quickly becoming angry with something/someone, slander, being lazy about spending time with Jesus, etc.). But, there are times when I KNOW that what I'm contemplating doing is sinful. Just like in my dream, I find myself having the same thoughts: God is good, He will protect me from whatever consequences this sin may hold, and His grace will cover me.
How wrong is that? Very.
I am taking advantage of the grace, love and mercy that is given to me so freely. Why? Simply because I am sometimes selfish (there's another one to add to the list). Jesus didn't give me all that I have so that I could live without rules, consequences and boundaries. He gave me what he did so that I could live fully, in Him, where safety, rest, and adventure is found. It's so creative how God always decides to speak to me in the things that seem so far from Him.
So, after the conviction hit and the lesson set in, I felt new. Knowing that Jesus doesn't give up on me even when I use Him encourages me like nothing else. I know what to change now and what to watch out for, all because of a dream about tarot cards and being dangerous.
"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" Romans 6:1-2
